Well, there it goes.
Have a good trip, buddy. It was really nice knowing you.
You’ve only fallen millimeters out of my greasy, goblin-like fingers but already your life flashes before my eyes.
When I brought you home from that liquor store guy who “had a few” in his car, I looked over your smooth, blue exterior, caressed your gentle curves, and finally opened up to see both of your lovely screens.
They called you a 3DS. But I am just a simple man. I will always call you your name from childhood: Game Boy.
Those same screens begin their twist away from me now as gravity does it’s short but powerful work on you. I see Link fade away from my gaze, as he enters the final boss door to battle the evil wizard from the desert, Ganondorf. I fear this quest may be halted.
Shit I don’t even know what this thing’s going to look like as it hits the linoleum. Will any part of it survive? Surely the screens will crack after such impact. The casing will be chipped at worst, but the internal mechanics, the heart and soul of this device, will be jostled to destruction.
I’ve seen it before. From pocket to train station floor, Eric’s iPod the Second fell and smacked on it’s corner. As I snatched it back up, the screen slowly faded, the last song playing etched like a tombstone. Pink Floyd. “Time.”
If only I had watched a hundred YouTube reviews of this machine! ‘Lo, if I had the sense to understand the stress tests, watch the engineers battle with the Game Boy to find its structural strengths and weaknesses…. perhaps then I would have been able to deftly drop the Game Boy in a fashion better suited to prevent damage.
Memories flood me. Time and space are trivial as I recall Game Boys of the past.
I recall my previous, trusted companion: a silver Game Boy Advance SP. It too had a comforting fold and accompanied me in pockets to school and on dozens of vacations when I needed help ignoring my loving family.
That SP felt like sorcery. A brilliant but quaint little design that packs the power of a SNES or Genesis, where my video game life began.
Time swoops again. I remember my Atomic Purple Game Boy Color, my first Game Boy. Even now, I can feel it’s perfect shape, an amulet of beauty in my arms. I remember countless hours of Metal Gear, Tetris, and of course, the game that changed everything, where you had to catch ‘em all: Donkey Kong Country.
Wherever you land, my fearless friend, I will remember you. I will recall the flight from Chicago to Las Vegas, where my Animal Crossing town grew from village to metropolis. I will recall the car ride to Michigan, where Dr. Wily’s forces were vanquished once and for all, until the fifth game came out. I will recall inhaling every foe that came before me as Kirby and I travelled to Washington.
And now, you crash to earth, like the meteor that extinguished the dinosaurs.
I hear the cries of ghosts, watching over me, shrieking as the moment they were launched to the Spirit World.
I see Death, and he, too, shakes his head in sorrow.
It landed on the rug.
I was on the toilet.
Fuckin Ganon, gonna fuck this guy up.